Regret
by Kawa-Misuterii
Summary: InuYasha turns up in a place which he never thought he'd see again. What happens when he finds out that he gets a second chance?
1. Return

Disclaimer: Don't own InuYasha, but you already knew that, didn't you? Okay, I get the feeling there's going to be some major OOC-ness here, so BEWARE! ALSO! This story is slightly based off of another one-shot I read a while ago. 'Abandonment' by Akihana. She wrote the original plot to this, and I'm kind of twisting it to fit my own personal needs ^-^

Well, on with the show.

Regrets

I, InuYasha, am the biggest bastard on the face of this miserable planet.

I've been wandering around an unfamiliar forest for three days now, too lost and tired to even jump above the trees to see where I am. Hell, I could be on the continent for all I know. My memory is a little foggy as to what exactly happened to me, so until I gather my wits, I focus on just walking forward.

Three days since I've met any intelligent creatures, and I'm starting to wonder if perhaps the entire world has been rid of humans and youkai, save for me. It's just not normal to not have run into something in all this time. I could almost feel the Tessaiga wishing to protect something, but the truth was, I had no clue if there was even anyone out there I wished to protect anymore. Somehow, that scared me much more than being alone ever will.

Finally, on the morning of the fourth day, I came across a seaside town spilling out of the forest, not too far from the bat demon cave in which I got the red Tetsusaiga from. I would have kissed the sand, but instead I nearly flew towards Musashi, unable to stand waiting any longer.

I passed Sango's old slayer village on my way, and to my surprise, I could smell both Miroku and Sango nearby.

Miroku was outside gathering some wood, and when he stood up and saw me, he dropped the wood in his hand onto his foot, and stared at me as if I was kami incarnate or something.

"I-InuYasha!" he shouted. "Yo-you're alive!"

"Keh. What're you doing here?" I replied, not wanting to go into detail about my existence at the moment, seeing as I was still a little unsure as to why I was still alive myself. I should've been long gone by now...

"Oh! Ummm......Yes, Sango wishes to rebuild her village, and so we moved here not long after our wedding......which I don't believe you were present for." Miroku answered, sending me a rather hateful look for a monk.

"I see. And......Kagome?" I asked the forbidden question, knowing I didn't deserve an answer.

"Married us." Miroku said, losing his bewilderment at seeing me again as a cold look crept into his eyes. I lowered my eyes in shame, knowing that I should stop there, but....

"Is she-"

"The well closed not long after you left." he said. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she was safe, even if I could never see her again. My heart clenched painfully at the thought, but I had to put aside my selfish desires for her sake. If she at least was safe with her family, that was more I could ever ask for.

Miroku heard my sigh, and narrowed his eyes even more, crossing his arms in front of him.

"It was quite heartbreaking, having to comfort her at the loss of her family. Especially when she refused our condolences, saying that her family was safe, and insisting that there was nothing to mourn. But from what I understand, she still goes to the well everyday to offer a prayer, and is doing quite well as Kaede's replacement." he said.

All of the air rushed out of my lungs, and an icy cold feeling crept under my skin. She was here? In Sengoku Jidai, five hundred years away from her home, and no one there to protect her? She was......alone?

A terrible wave of guilt washed over me. This was why I was still alive. I had left Kagome, and now she was alone in this unfamiliar world, cut off from her family and forced to live a life she didn't ask for, all because of me. And the worst of it all? She was alone! I had left her completely alone in this dangerous world! I didn't deserve to look her way anymore, not with what I'd done.

"How long was I gone?" I asked.

"About five months. Kaede-sama passed on not too long ago." He answered. I heard a quiet call from inside one of the huts, and out stalked Sango, holding a hand to her stomach. It appeared as if she had been listening the entire time, and I felt a distinct air of danger stir around her.

"InuYasha." she said hatefully under her breath, gritting her teeth and glaring at me with all of her might.

"You bastard. How dare you show your face again!" she spat, almost as much hate shoved into that sentence as when she gave the last battle cry against Naraku.

Sango disappeared into the hut, and returned with Hiraikotsu, and took the stance to hurl it at me with the last bit of strength she had.

"Sango! Stop! Think of the baby!" Miroku shouted and ran over to her. He grabbed the giant boomerang and wrenched it out of her grip. She glared at him for a moment, and then turned back to me. Somehow, now I was more afraid than when she had a weapon.

"Why are you here? How dare you ask about Kagome! You want to know what happened to her after you left?" I wasn't really sure anymore, but I nodded my head uncertainly. "Turns out, she got an infection in her wounds. Remember, when Naraku smashed her into the ground?" she asked, sickeningly sweetly. I winced and nodded again, wondering if my ears would ever be able to raise them selves out of my hair from the shame. "But no, you weren't there, were you?! She jumped down the well in order to go see healers from her time, and broke her ankle when it didn't open for her!"

"She spent three weeks under quarantine, and nearly died! And do you know what she told me, InuYasha?! She told me she didn't care! She just curled up into a ball in Kaede's hut and didn't talk for a month!" she yelled, her voice gradually getting louder. I wished the earth would just open up and swallow me at this point, but I deserved it, I had to hear everything she went through, when I left her for dead. I ignored the wetness at the edge of my vision, and braced myself.

"Finally, one day she just walked out of the hut, a big smile on her face, and I don't believe she's mentioned your name since. She's just FINE without you, so why don't you back to HELL!" she hissed. My stubborn body wouldn't allow the tears to fall, but a pathetic whimper escaped from my throat.

If what she said was true, perhaps it would be better if I just disappeared before I had the chance to ruin Kagome's life again. But I couldn't do that, not yet. I had to see if it was true, to see for sure if Kagome was really okay.

After reaming me out, Sango slumped against Miroku, mumbling something about getting out of my presence, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't blame her one bit. Miroku took her back inside, and returned to where I was standing.

"I think it would be best if you left now, InuYasha." he said tiredly, refusing to look me in the eyes as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"She hates my guts, huh?" I said with a humorless snort.

"Yes. And I don't see her forgiving you." Miroku replied.

"What about you?" I asked, hoping that perhaps, by some reckoning of the gods, I still had a friend in this world, despite my sins.

Miroku sighed heavily. I took that as my invitation to leave.

"It's not that we don't understand why you went with Kikyou." Miroku spoke up, before I had a chance to run away. I froze, not expecting him to actually talk to me.

"It was just the way you did it, as if none of us never really mattered to you, especially Kagome. You.......you killed her, a little, when you pulled that stunt." he said. He was standing beside me now, both of us facing opposite directions.

"She puts on quite an act, everyday, and that is why it appears to everyone, including Sango, that Kagome has become a new person and simply forgot about you. But I don't think that is quite what happened." he continued. I felt a wave of anger wash over me. Forget about me? Me?! She would never!

"Whenever we visit her, I must admit there is an undeniable loneliness about her. I will say this to you, InuYasha. I personally believe everyone deserves a second chance. You got yours when she awoke you from your fifty-year sleep." I lowered my head, acknowledging the truth.

"But Kagome deserves to be happy, and no matter what she says now, she isn't. And as much as I wish this weren't true, I'm afraid you're the only one who can do that. It is quite a paradox, I must say. You most certainly don't deserve her, after all that's happened, but she deserves you." Miroku said.

"I'm telling you all of this now because I doubt you'd be able to figure it out on your own. If you somehow manage to set things right, I would be grateful to you. I say this as Kagome's dear friend. If you can someone reconcile with her, and could stick around this time." he said, the last part with a harshness that scared me a little. "She would get the ending she deserves, and not the half-life she's been living. I won't tell you anymore about her, because you can ask yourself, right?"

I grunted, not really a very committing noise, but I already had an ironclad vow cemented in my mind. If I had been sent back to this world, it meant that my decision was wrong, and now I'd do anything to right it.

I was nothing more than a red blur across the country side as I raced back to her, not even stopping at night to rest. It was midmorning by the time I finally got to Edo, and even though I'm a hanyou, I was about to collapse from near exhaustion. I slowed to a walk and stayed in the forest, not wanting to attract any attention from anyone other than my target.

Her scent drifted over me on a lazy breeze, and I found myself zoning out and inhaling deeply, forgetting about everything that had happened for a moment. I managed to shake myself out of my daze to figure out where the breeze was coming from.

'The well....' I thought, and immediately went into 'hunting mode'.

I crept through the undergrowth until the well came into my sight, and the vision before me made my heart clench so painfully I almost forgot to breathe.

Kagome was sitting next to the well, her head lying on her arm, which was draped over the wooden lip. Her other arm was hanging solemnly into the entrance, as if she was reaching for something in the darkness. The utter loneliness on her face was heartbreaking. I could only count myself lucky that I didn't have the chance to look into her eyes just yet. I'm sure the guilt would too much to handle. Hell, I was practically overcome as it is.

Not much had changed about her appearance from what I could see, other than the fact that she was wearing miko robes. That and her hair was a bit longer, although it seemed that she refused to wear the miko hair tie, despite the heat of the day (also, perhaps to leave at least one mark that she was different from Kikyou). I knew this because her long, black hair was curling around her face prettily in the slow breeze, and I was struck with a pang of longing that was more powerful than I was used to.

She sat there, staring into the well, timeless in her tiny movements and the small frown that had yet to leave her face. We stayed in one spot so long, one unaware of the others presence, the other unaware of anything but her presence. I wondered if perhaps she planned on simply waiting until the past caught up with the present, for a city to grow up behind her, and her mother to come and offer her something to eat after her long journey.

If guilt were poison, I'd have enough to make Sesshomaru bow down and acknowledge my almighty superiority over him.

Finally, she got up, and turned her back to me, walking slowly away, her hands in her sleeves.

No, from behind, there was no confusing the two. Something about the difference in the way they held themselves, not to mention the fact that Kagome's hair was still cut messily, while Kikyou's was strictly chopped in a straight line. Personally, I prefer Kagome's. It's more like mine, more...natural.

I shook my head to rid myself of those frivolous thoughts, and decided to spend the day watching her. The fact that it meant I could watch her to my hearts content without having to confront her didn't even cross my mind, of course. It was purely to see if she was living a happy life.

As I silently followed from a distance downwind, the wind picked up her hair to reveal a scar that I knew descended all the way across her back down to her rear. I knew, because when she was unconscious and couldn't argue, I was the one who cared for her, thinking the guilt then had been the worst I'd ever suffered. Keh, I had no idea what guilt was.

I inhaled deeply as a wash of memories came over me.

________________________________________________________

Okay, I'll update soon. Reviews are much appreciated, I really want to know how I'm doing.


	2. Regret

Disclaimer: Nay InuYasha, ye are not mine!

SplendentGoddess: Thank you so much for reviewing, I love your work! 'Red Eyes, Warm Heart' is one of my favorites of yours, as are 'While She's Sleeping' and 'Mating Season', so to get a response from you had me doing the patented fangirl squeal.

A very helpful reviewer found the story for me! (3 sherezade, another great author)

I have yet to get feedback from the other author, but you guys have to check out her one-shots, they kick some serious angsty-but-happy-endings butt!

Author: Akihana Story in which this is slightly based: Abandonment

Enjoy....kinda...

It seems fate just wants to pile as much as it can onto my conscience, because it happened when I was off protecting Kikyou...again. We were right in the middle of battling Naraku, and I was SO sure we were going to defeat him this time. There we were, me with the Tessaiga, Sango with the Hiraikotsu, Miroku with his Kazaana and sacred sutras, and Kagome with her sacred arrows, and even my bother with Tokijin. We were a strong, united front, unstoppable, I was sure.....until I heard a pained cry from my left, and ran off immediately to go aid Kikyou, who had been struck with one of Naraku's tentacles upon her arrival. As soon as I left our line of defense, all hell broke loose. Naraku attacked with every demon power in his arsenal, and seeing as I left a sizable gap in our line at exactly the worst possible moment, the preceding war was more vicious and deadly than I ever dreamed.

Before I could even turn my heel to return when I found that Kikyou was basically alright, Kagome let loose an arrow with more spiritual power loaded into it than I had ever seen before, and coupled with a huge blast from Tokijin, the combination of demonic and spiritual power hit Naraku with a fatal blow, followed closely with several sutras and Hiraikotsu. I couldn't help a burst of jealousy I felt towards Sesshomaru then. It should have been the Wind Scar that gave that blow with her arrow, not Tokijin.

Naraku attempted one last blow before his injuries bested him, and clumsily tossed a tentacle at Kagome, who was still radiating dangerous spiritual energy. I was running as fast as my feet would take me, but instead of piercing her, it fell heavily, knocking her to the ground and dragging across her back, tearing the skin along right with it. The scent of her blood hit me like a ton of bricks, and I used the Wind Scar to decimate what remained of Naraku.

But it was too late. Her back had been torn to shreds, and she was losing more and more blood by the second. As gently as I could, I wrapped her up in the fire rat and carried her away from the battle field, ignoring the look Kikyou gave me for once.

My friends followed after me on Kirara, and to my surprise, Sesshomaru flew behind us. When I got to Kaede's, she didn't say a word as she had me lay Kagome on her stomach to treat her wounds. She basically shoved me out the door when it came time to remove her clothes, though. I tried to tell her that I wanted to stay by her side and that it was impossible to have ecchi thoughts when she had an injury as bad as that. But she didn't believe me, and as soon as I walked out the door, I turned to be face-to-face with my brother.

"What the hell do you want, bastard?" I asked, holding on to Tessaiga's sheath.

"At ease, InuYasha. I wish to inquire about the condition of the....living miko." he said, his face expressionless. Didn't stop the smugness in his voice, however, the bastard.

"And why the hell would you care?" I asked.

"Although her presence was not needed, it did help to speed the death of our foe. I would not wish to see the one who managed to escape death from me, and help deal the final hit to Naraku, die by his last blow." he replied elegantly.

"Would you revive her, if her wounds got too serious?" I asked, not voicing aloud my true fears. Sesshomaru paused for a moment, then I could have sworn he smirked a little.

"I could, I suppose." was all he answered. He must have been able to smell her condition by then, so he simply turned and walked away, leaving me a bit dumbfounded but nonetheless grateful, despite the fact that there was no need for the offer.

Three days passed and Kagome didn't wake. Sango and Miroku kicked me out of the village because I kept snapping at everyone. I guess I was a little on the edge, but who could blame me?

I snuck into Kaede's hut at night, and kept rubbing salve into her back when everyone else was resting. She never roused once, but I'll be damned if she didn't know I was there, helping her.

That morning, Sango reamed me out when she woke up to me sleeping upright next to Kagome and scaring the crap out of her, so I went out to the Goshinboku to get away from everyone.

I should have smelled her coming, but I guess I was a little preoccupied. Kikyou appeared in the trees, her soul catchers mysteriously missing.

"InuYasha, it is good to see that you're well." she said politely. "And my reincarnation?"

"Kagome will be okay." I replied, wondering why she refused to use Kagome's name.

"You know that Naraku decimated the jewel." she informed me. My ears perked up at this. I hadn't even thought of the jewel until now.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Just as the jewel can be purified out of existence with a pure wish, it can also disappear into darkness with a truly evil wish. I do not know what he wished for, but it seems that the jewel died with him."

"Good." I said. "That's good. It's all over then."

A strange look came over Kikyou's face.

"You know what that means, don't you InuYasha?" she said. I perked an eyebrow before the full meaning of what she said washed over me. I had an obligation.

I really didn't want to go, and I looked longingly to the village, but Kikyou saw my gaze.

"I died, to follow you. I'd rather be dead than without you." she told me. The implications of her words would have knocked me off my feet fifty years ago, but I had already repeated them inside my head for a long time now, so the effect was lost a bit.

"That's why you were reborn in Kagome. To find me again, because we didn't die together." I said a bit cheekily. I guess I was feeling bitter about Kagome's injuries, and jumped on the chance to take it out on someone, even if she didn't deserve it. But hell, when did I ever admit to being a fair guy?

"My soul is my own."

"Then how come you're reanimated with a piece that came out of her?" this was an actual question that had been bothering me for some time now, and I was anxious to know the answer.

"Allow me to reiterate. My consciousness is my own, as is yours." she said. I quirked an eyebrow.

"What are you saying?" I asked as I jumped down from the tree to stand in front of her, a little uneasy about the answer.

"Our consciousness dies when our bodies do. Well, at least in most cases. The piece of soul that animates me is the memory of the consciousness of Kikyou. Within Kagome's body lies the memories of consciousness of all the lives we have lived. Do you understand?" she said, as if I wasn't bright enough to follow her words. I repressed a grimace and nodded.

"Although the soul remains the same, each life is born with a new consciousness, a new personality, along with personal situations and upbringing, which can cause a reincarnation to be a completely different person than the life before her.

"Our souls were always meant to be together, InuYasha, don't you understand that?" she said pleadingly, and I could feel a revelation coming.

"Just as I was reborn into Kagome to release you from your purgatory, you would be reborn as well, and we will find each other again. Face it, InuYasha, she was never meant for you. She doesn't belong in this world."

The stark silence stilled the earth around me as everything Kikyou said clicked into place. We were meant for each other, that I had known since the first time Kikyou asked me to sit with her, instead of trying to harm me. She was right, absolutely right! Her astounding logic couldn't be argued with....but....

"You must choose, InuYasha. You know what will happen if she stays in this era, separated from her family. She will die at the hands of a youkai, pointlessly and shamefully, without ever having realized her full power. Please, InuYasha..." she begged me to choose. We stood next to each other, within embracing distance, but not touching.

"I'll...I'll really find her again?" I swallowed hard. "She won't be left alone, will she?" I asked.

"Another has already been born in your place in her time, InuYasha. He knows her world, and will be able to comfort her and understand her in ways which you never will." she said, trying to soothe me, but instead my hackles rose at the idea of Kagome in someone else's arms, no matter if he was my reincarnation or not. I understand her plenty! And even if I didn't, I sure as hell could try my best.....it's not like she was really that hard to figure out most of the time, anyway...

Still, Kikyou moved forward and rested her head on my chest, and I could give no argument. My soul would repay for the sins of this life, in order to be with Kagome in the next. I made my decision then, and prayed to whatever Kami would listen to a filthy hanyou that I would be reunited with her soon.

She wrapped her arms around me, and suddenly I felt rather sleepy, and gratefully leaned into her embrace, closing my eyes before I saw the smirk on her face. By the time the portal to hell had opened, I could neither feel nor hear the demons rushing past me.

Suddenly, air was rushing past us as we fell through darkness, for how long I don't know. I tried to use my youkai powers to slow my fall, but they seemed to be on hiatus. While I was scrabbling around me, trying to find something to hold on to, Kikyou fell gracefully, diving sideways and seeming to forget about my presence.

Finally, a grey landing place appeared, and Kikyou landed on her feet, while I fell on my face, a bit out of sorts.

"Kikyou?" I asked as I stood up, feeling more than a little uneasy in the desolate, silent place. She didn't answer me as she started walking.

I tried to follow her, thinking perhaps this was the hell in which we would wait the five hundred years to be reborn, but I found that I couldn't move!

"Kikyou!" I shouted, but she neither looked nor even heard me as she strode away, bow in hand. I watched horror as she walked into the distance, hair swinging as if waving me goodbye. I felt as if I had been chained down with weights that I could never dream of lifting, and I let out an anguished cry at the thought of being trapped here for eternity without her.

"Ha ha ha ha, foolish hanyou. You've been had." said a rich, deep voice. I somehow managed to turn my head as Kikyou disappeared into the mist, to lay my eyes upon the biggest demon I'd ever seen.

It was easily taller than those huge 'skyscrapers' in Kagome's time, and at least three times as wide. He had purplish, striped skin and a great leering face, not unlike those emulated on samurai masks.

"Wha-whaddaya mean?" I asked, a fearful quiver in my voice that I was instantly ashamed of. To my horror, the feeling of being chained down morphed into feeling as if my entire body was encased in rock, barley able to budge the muscles on my face, let alone wiggle a finger or two. I was frozen.

"Well, you wouldn't be stuck here if you hadn't been tricked by some sort. Can you move at all?" he asked, and I found myself wildly wondering why he didn't have a booming voice that rang in my ears. Indeed, it seemed he was almost looking pityingly at me.

"N-no." I replied, and his smile widened.

"Then that's that. That is your curse. You've been tricked, bamboozled, had the wool pulled over your eyes, one demon short of a thousand, had your leg pulled, you sheep shaved, your marbles-"

"OKAY! I get it." I said miserably.

"So what did she tell you?" I glared at him now that I was pretty sure he wasn't going to eat me.

"Common, it's written all over your face. Some treacherous woman sweet talked you into coming down here with her, and apparently she left her soul behind in order to remain technically alive, leaving you here all by your lonesome. Save for me of course. Happens more often than you would think. So....what did she tell you?" the demon asked matter-of-factually.

The horror washed over me. How did I not see it? Kikyou TOLD me that all that animated the body she inhabited was her consciousness, whereas I had my entire soul. OF CORSE I would be left alone, and kami knows what happened to Kikyou.....I'm a FOOL!

"She...She said that we would be reborn together..." I stuttered, my heart breaking.

The giant demon froze for a moment, and then burst out laughing, spraying spittle all over my face (and here I was, unable to at least wipe it away.)

"You're even more of a fool than you look!!! AH HAHAHA!!!" he yelled out. I wished I could bow my head in shame, but my entire body was now completely frozen, save for my face, it seemed

"Humans get reincarnated all the time, yes.....but DEMONS have no immortal souls, only immortal bodies! Hanyou or not, your under the demon category for this one, sunny. Once you die, your dead! How on earth did you not know that?"

Disbelievingly, I could think of no reasonable argument. No one had really taken it upon themselves to explain the basic workings of the afterlife. I always thought I knew enough to get by....how had I managed to skip over that important detail?

"Well, prepare to spend eternity with Me." he grinned, and turned to lean back on his hands, the grin never leaving his face, though the sparkle in his bulbous eyes dimmed.

"Where exactly am I?" wondering if I'd ever get to change position. Standing upright and perfectly still this long was putting a bit of a strain on my muscles.  
The demon looked around himself questioningly, as if he too had just gotten here.

"Not Purgatory." he said. "But close." I then wished I had more control of my face so I could send him my favorite scowl.

We spent a few moments or a few weeks in silence, which one I'm not sure. The huge demon looked off into the distance, as if watching a show that was invisible to me. I didn't really want to contemplate the fate that I had thrown myself into at the moment, so I decided to be sociable.

"What's your name?" I grumbled, starting with the basics.

"Don't got one." he answered. I raised my eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?" I tried again.

"I dunno." he said with a shrug, although the gleam had returned to his eyes, telling me he was teasing me. Well, that's just fucking fantastic, exactly what I need at a time like this!

"How long have you been here?"

"Who can say?"

"God dammit!"

"Well, you mouth is certainly foul enough for hell." the giant demon said. He then heaved a great sigh. "I have no story to tell you, little hanyou, so you might as well tell me yours."

"And why the hell would I do that?" I replied nastily

"Why the hell not?" he asked back, nothing but good nature in his voice.

I put as much hatred into my eyes as possible, but he just sat there blinking at me. After a few moments of glaring, I relented with an exhale of acceptance.

"What the hell, I'm going to be spending the rest of eternity with you, might as well spill on my life story." I relented, and took a deep breath.

"My mother was a lord's daughter, and my father was the Inu no Taisho..."

________

"And then she still wants to be with me, can you believe that? I basically shove it in her face that my loyalty is to Kikyou, and she still wants to be with me! I don't even think she really cared about the jewel. I mean, she's always so fucking noble about it, sure. She was the one who practically gave her life in her own time up to make sure that it didn't end up in evil hands like Naraku, but.....I-I dunno, she'd have to have some serious feelings for me to put up with all my shit, right?" I rambled. It was strangely therapeutic to get everything off of my chest, and I was actually enjoying talking about myself to this guy. He laughed in all the right places, didn't seemed to judge me, and was pretty sympathetic for a demon....or whatever he was.

"I think you're a fool for not realizing it sooner. The poor woman has fallen completely in love with you, if what you say is true. I know if I were a miko, I'd have purified your sorry hide the moment you accused me of doing _anything_ with an ookami youkai the first day I met him. You basically called her a slut. Especially since the idiot announced he loved her to his entire clan right when you showed up. It was so obvious he was just trying to get on your nerves."

"Something tells me that wasn't the only thing he wanted to get on...." I grumbled under my breath. ⌠But you're right....I just wish she wouldn't stick up for the idiot!"

"I think the unwavering loyalty she has shown you when you are sticking up for your 'other person' sort of gives way to the fact that she really only thinks of him as friend." If my ears could move, they would have drooped a little.

"When you put it that way.....it seems like she would have been better off with him." I said. I still couldn't believe I was being this open with someone...but perhaps my circumstances allowed me a reprieve.

"Oh, yes, most definitely." he said. I froze. What the hell? I thought this guy was on my side!? It's not like there was anyone else here to tell him what an asshole I've been, so why would he...

Wait.....

"What do you think's gonna happen to her?" I asked, not bothering to argue with him.

"She'll probably go back to her own time once her wounds heal, sulk for a couple weeks, maybe a month or two, and forget about you and move on with her life." he replied honestly. I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe marry that 'Homo' guy you were talking about, too." he added casually. I couldn't stop the fierce growl that came out of my throat. To my fury, the giant just laughed. I mentally hung my head.

"So long as she's safe, and happy..." I said, trailing off the 'I don't care' part, intentionally. I do care. I care a lot, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I was dead. Well....I thought I was dead, really sort of hard to say, seeing as I can still feel my heart beating in my chest. But that didn't really mean anything. I was still stuck there.

The giant sobered up immediately. He sat and stared at me for a long while, and I was horrified to find that I had an itch....right on my face. My lips must have been twitching ridiculously, but the giant just sat there and stared. I was about to ask him to help me out, even though the tip of his finger was roughly about as tall as I was, when he opened his mouth with what I swear was a sentimental look in his eye.

"You loved the living one." he said. My eyes widened and then closed. It wasn't a question, but it deserved an answer.

"I'd give my life if it meant she was happy." I stated, and I felt as if a weight had shifted on my chest. "So yeah, yeah I guess I do love her."......and the weight got lighter.

"Baka, you already have. Didn't you say that you thought you'd be reborn into someone that would 'understand her'?" he asked, saying the last two words obnoxiously.

"Yeah.....guess we're both screwed now, huh? But she'll get over me...."

I honestly wanted to know what was going on that I felt like spilling my guts to this guy not one day after I met him (I think....time is sort of weird here), but it felt good. Something tells me he wouldn't fall for my 'anti-social' act, seeing as he was the only other one there. I briefly wondered if perhaps the not-purgatory had paired me up with him, to try and help clear my soul. I was half human after all. It could happen...right?

"I don't see you getting over her. And what about Kikyou?" he asked.

"Keh. What about her?" I said.

"You loved her too, right? You wouldn't have done what you were going to if-"

"And a fat lot of good came out of that, didn't it? I might as well face it, Kikyou was right, I'm a curse on the world and all people who get close to me. Kagome would just end up dying in my care, or worse yet, I'd die and then whatever killed me would have her for a snack if I tried to stay with her. She's way better off without scum like me hanging around her." I answered, my self-loathing rising in my stomach.

"You've done a pretty good job of protecting her so far." he reasoned.

"Feh, barely. You know how many times she's been kidnapped, cursed, almost killed, and just plain old gotten the shit beaten out of her just because she hangs around in this world? I should have stuck around to make sure she got through the well okay, but other than that, things did sort of work out for the best." I said miserably.

"You call being stuck in this prison with me 'the best'?" he said, amazed.

"The best for her. Keep her away from deceitful bastards like me."

The giant nodded, although I could tell he didn't really understand what I was getting at.

"When she realizes that guys like me are just going to hurt her, she'll stay away from them, and she'll...you know....be okay."

"And just what kind of guy are you, InuYasha?" the giant asked wisely. To be honest, I almost answered 'a hanyou', but that wasn't really an answer to the question. As a matter of fact, I had no idea as to how to answer the question.

"Some one not good enough for her." I finally replied, figuring that would be good enough answer. The giant sent me a suspicious look.

"Can you think of any man who is?"

Aww, shit, that one's even worse than the last. This guy really knew how to pile it on. If I honestly thought about it, my inner clock says I've spent roughly a day with him now, and I'd spilled more to him than other person in my life. I wish I could say that Kagome was that person, but despite everything I had shared with her about my past and my feelings, I'd never even hinted about my feelings for her. So this guy was number one. Lucky me.

"No." I answered honestly. I really wanted to turn my nose away from him...

"Hmmm...." he looked at me appraisingly. "I know who you're going to be thinking about for the next eternity." he said with a laugh. I snorted.

"Keh, no kidding." It felt sort of good to have a 'manly' conversation. Couldn't ever have those with the houshi....he always brought up something lecherous whenever we ended up talking seriously.

There was a lot of pity in his eyes, and we fell silent again. I could tell he was contemplating my fate even more than I was, and the quiet made me grow uneasy.

"You know, before she sucked you into the ground, you prayed to any kami that would honor the wishes of a hanyou. We have never received even a wandering thought from you before, and the first and probably only time we hear from you, it's so you'll be reunited with this girl."

To say I was struck dumb would be the understatement of the millennia.

"You-You're a kami?" I asked, the fear even more evident in my voice than before.

"Of course, what else could I be?" he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"W-well I wasn't exactly expecting to run into a kami in hell, so you'll forgive me for being a little surprised!"

"You're not in hell, boy, keep your fundoshi on." he chuckled at me. Here I was, in the presence of a god...and he was talking to me like he was my buddy!

"Like I said, like purgatory, but not. A place to think, to relent, regret, realize, and a whole bunch of other important words." he smiled.

"Okay, seriously, what's your name?!" I asked him incredulously, still not quite believing my situation.

"I told you I don't have one. But you believe in me now, don't you? That means you may give me one. Give me homage, build me a shrine, that sort of thing." he said smugly.

"I find it difficult seeing my self give worship to anyone, let alone moving enough to build you a shrine. Besides, what have you ever done to deserve one, huh?" I asked, feeling cocky. I guess the magnitude of the situation had driven me a little crazy.

"Nothing yet. Although I seem to find myself in a situation where I can do something worthy of my stature." he answered mysteriously.

I raised an eyebrow as something white drifted across my vision, and I found myself being distracted.

"Oh yeah?" I said lazily, watching the white things. "What's that?" I managed to ask. They looked like big snowflakes...

"Answering the prayers of a lonely hanyou, of course. And why stop with you? All hanyou have a bit of human in them, and are therefore deserving of..."

I stopped listening to him as the big snowflakes grew in number. My mind felt fuzzy and peaceful, and I noticed that they weren't big snowflakes, they were sakura petals....how strange, I thought...I hadn't seen any sakura trees around here...

I felt gigantic fingers around my stomach, perching me on his palm, yet I couldn't bring myself to care, even as a brutal force flicked me from his hand skyward, and suddenly, all I could see were sakura petals....they smelled like Kagome's hair, a little...

(author's notes)

Haha, weren't expecting that, now were you? This is the part that deviates the most from 'Abandonment'. So what didja think? Good? Bad? Decent? Who the hell let this crazy retard on the internet? Reviews are much appreciated, and I'll answer any questions short of revealing the end!


	3. Relent

Disclaimer: 'InuYasha, InuYasha, wherefore art thou InuYasha?'

'I'm down here, wench.'

'Will ye be mine?'

'Hell no.'

I would just like to say that I love reviewers so much, especially the ones who leave lengthy reviews! (3 SplendentGoddess. Yeah, that's the one I meant, I can't wait for you to expand!)

Relent

I followed her silently through the trees, smiling a bit as a crowd of children mobbed her, laughing and squealing in delight. She didn't seem to mind getting dirt all over her clothes as she horse played with the brats. Sticks and leaves clung to her hair, and her face was as bright red as my kimono, but she never looked more beautiful.

After a few minutes, the children got tired of wrestling with her and ran off to play hide and seek in the woods, and Kagome got as steely look in her eye. She looked around with an angry glare, and I couldn't help but duck down, getting the feeling that I'd been found out.

"Kagome-sama, Kagome-sama!" a young, male voice shouted out. Kagome turned around to face a handsome youth I remembered seeing around the village. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I couldn't help but release a jealous growl at the sight of the stupid lad approaching my woman...

'Whoa, getting ahead of myself there...' I thought to myself as I forced my youki to calm down.

"My...*huff* my lady.....the old priest says that he sensed a demon in the area." the boy panted out as he tried to catch his breath from running.

"Yes, I sense it too. I'll patrol the woods and keep an eye on the children, and tell the men from the village to keep their weapons handy. It hasn't attacked and I'm not getting much of a youki from it, so we should be relatively safe until sundown." Kagome stated matter-of-factually. The boy bowed in obvious hero worship of her, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.

'Stupid little twit couldn't take down a rabbit youkai, let alone ME.' I thought with an evil smile.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the scary look Kagome was throwing around, keeping her senses open for any attacks.

'It's just little old me, Kagome, no need to be scared.' I thought. Shouldn't she have recognized my aura by now? No matter, she will soon enough.

Raising my head abruptly, I caught a scent on the wind that caused me to release a growl she must have heard, and to curl my claws out to prepare for an attack. Kagome, in contrast, looked expectant.

Sure enough, my bastard brother landed out of the sky like a god-dammed kami-sent savior, and I had to choke back an even louder growl when she smiled at him. She SMILED at him! What the hell was that all about?

"Female ningen." He said to her as soon as he landed, and I saw his little ward crawl out from that damned pretentious boa thing he wears.

"Sesshomaru-sama." Kagome greeted courteously, a ghost of a smile on her lips. What the hell was this? Since when is my brother and my┘.companion all buddy-buddy like this? When had this happened?

"Konnichiwa, Higurashi-sensei!" the little one piped up, and then I figured it out. Kagome had more education stuffed into her pretty head than a lot of the lords hanging around, so of course she would be an ideal teacher┘still, how did Sesshomaru come to find that out? A jealous ball of acid burned in my stomach at the idea.

"Konnichiwa, Rin-chan. Have you been practicing the kanji I taught you last time?" she asked good-naturedly.

"Hai! Rin is ready to learn more!" the kids said excitedly. Kagome took her by the hand, presumably to lead her back to Kaede's old hut. She stopped and turned back to Sesshomaru, a crease in her brow.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I sense a youkai in the forest not long ago. If you happen to come across it, would you be so kind as to dispatch it for us?" she asked sincerely, as if she fully expected him to refuse her. I think I saw him move his head in a nod, but it was so small, he could as well have just ignored her.

Kagome and Rin disappeared over the hill, and within the next second Sesshomaru had fazed out of my vision and reappeared with his hand around my neck as he thrust me up against the tree I had been hiding behind, a perfectly plucked eyebrow raised in question.

"What business do you have still breathing?" he asked.

"What? No hello after all this time, dear brother?" I asked back sarcastically, despite the fact that I was gasping at the moment.

"This Sesshomaru will repeat himself only once. Why are you here? Did the deceased miko not drag you to hell as Kagome said?" he asked coolly, but I didn't absorb any of his words other than his blatant use of Kagome's name. I saw a red tint around my vision as pent up rage threatened to break loose, and I managed to rip his fingers from around my neck and unsheathe the Tessaiga in two moves. Sesshomaru displayed his superior youkai speed by already having Tokijin ready to battle before I had the Tessaiga completely transformed, but I was too far gone to care.

Metal clashed with metal as I attacked him recklessly over and over, with Sesshomaru blocking them flawlessly. The strangest thing was, he never even tried to attack me, as if he was just humoring me. The asshole.

Finally, I was starting to get tired, and he managed to knock me over when I left my right side open. He stood there with Tokijin at my throat, and something close to irritation in his eyes.

"Why are you still alive?" he asked again.

"What do you care, bastard?" I gasped, having had the wind knocked out of me when I fell.

"Answer this Sesshomaru's question."

We glared at each other for what must have been a full five minutes before I finally relented.

"A Kami intervened with my death. I've...come back for Kagome." I answered, not having the balls to look him in the eyes. He made that stupid little grunting noise, and then sheathed Tokijin.

"Baka." Was his only reply, not that I was surprised. Bastard probably thought I was lying, but there was nothing he can do about that.

He turned away from me and began walking towards the village, and a shiver of terror went down my spine.

"Don't tell Kagome I'm here!" I shouted, panicking.

"I have no reason to hide anything from the living ningen. Why would I not alert her to your presence? You are a threat to her existence, and therefore the education of my ward." He said calmly, not bothering to turn completely around.

"Bastard! I'd never hurt her!" I shouted back. And since when did he give a damn, anyway?

Sesshomaru turn fully around to look at me, his stone face never moving. There was a look in his eye that somehow reminded me that, yes, I did hurt her. And even before this whole ordeal, I hurt her all the time...but things were different now! I've been to hell (sort of) and back, I've learned my lesson.

"Do what you wish. I have no interest in the on goings of hanyou and ningen." He insisted, and disappeared over the hill to the village.

________________

Turns out Kagome was teaching all of the village children how to read and do math, and for a minute I was worried what one of the lords parading around might think of literate commoners. Would they try to execute her? Over my dead body! But still, the village brats might have problems┘

From what I could hear, she wasn't teaching them anything too difficult, and somehow managed to work little stories into the lesson, so the kids paid attention. Finally, after almost an hour of this, she dismissed the kids in order to go on patrol of the forest.

"Sesshomaru-sama, Sesshomaru-sama! I know how to write your name!" the little ward ran to him, waving a piece of parchment. Sesshomaru took it from her outstretched hands and tucked it into his armor, turning when Kagome spoke to him.

"Did you find the youkai?" she asked.

"It was unworthy of this Sesshomaru's blade. It won't attack the village. This Sesshomaru leaves the disposal of the pitiful creature to you, Miko." He told her haughtily, and I clenched my teeth at how he spoke. Bastard knew I could probably hear him. What an asshole.

"Alright. Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama. Rin-chan is very bright, I hope you can start bringing her more often." Kagome answered, and I had to choke back a growl. Sure, Kagome probably just wanted to see the child, but all I heard was 'I hope to see you more often, Sesshomaru-sama!' in that ridiculously nice voice of hers.

My brother left in a whirl of fur, and that left Kagome alone, and I could tell that she was discouraged by that fact. She grabbed her bow and arrows, and began unknowingly walking towards me.

It was almost sunset, and I jumped ahead, drawing her with my youki in order to ensure that we would be alone.

I ended up at the Goshinboku, but I stayed near the trunk so she would see me as soon as she got to the clearing. I tried to plan on what I was going to say, but┘I couldn't think, my mind was buzzing with excitement and dread.

I'm not sure what I expected, but when she raised her head from watching her step, and our eyes met, we must have stood there staring at each other for an hour.

"InuYasha..." she whispered my name. It was like a blessing on my ears, I hadn't heard it so long.

"Kagome..." I answered back, and she blinked at me, not believing her own eyes. The slightly surprised look smoothed into one of indifference.

"The jewel is gone. Why are you here?" she stated, sounding exactly like my hard-ass brother.

"Kagome!" a shrill voice shouted. Shippou came running through the underbrush behind her, and darted between her legs to crawl up her clothes and perch himself on her shoulder.

"I smelled him! I smelled him all the way from the hut! I thought you said he left with Kikyou!" he shouted in her face, but she ignored him as she looked at me pensively.

"Well, InuYasha?" she asked. I tried to speak, I really did, but nothing came out. I was too...I don't know what I was; all I know was that my mouth wasn't working. She must have waited for a full minute before the slightest frown graced her face, and she turned away, a small 'humph' noise escaping her.

They both left me without another word, and then that crappy, familiar feeling filled my gut. Rejection. I was used to it, sure. But now I was getting it from the few people who didn't give it to me the moment they saw me...nope, they were fools enough to wait around until I could prove I was deserving of it.

And instead of it being for reasons that I could hate them back for, like being a hanyou, it was all entirely my doing. Well thanks a lot, giant unnamed Kami...what the hell was I supposed to do now?

Mixing with the feeling of rejection, a heavy dose of melancholy dropped itself on my being. Sure, the Kami had given me another chance, but whoever said Kagome would, or should, for that matter? I know that if it had been me in her shoes, I would have struck myself down the moment I saw me.

Damn, but it still hurt like hell to see her walk away from me like that. Kikyou used to do the exact same thing, and it hurt just as much.

Huh. That's the first thought I've given to Kikyou since I escaped that purgatory. What the hell had happened that I don't think about her all the time, anymore? I used to not be able to get her off of my mind, but now...now she's gone forever.

Well hadn't she been gone forever when Kagome first broke the seal on me? And before she'd even been resurrected, she was on my mind 90% of the time. Was it just because I'd found out that she was dead?

I can answer that easily. Yeah it was. I was in mourning; of course she was on my mind. And then right when I was starting to get used to it, BAM! She was back with a vengeance, literally. And even though I'd seen her point an arrow at me more times than I'd care to count, sometimes...I don't know...I'd see the real Kikyou in her eyes every now and then, and fall in love with her all over again.

What a fool I am.

And I knew it bothered Kagome whenever I saw her...but I couldn't stop. And now...now I'm beneath her notice.

________________

She knew I never left the forest surrounding the village, but she avoided me, and I her. Well, not exactly. I was sort of stalking her, but I made sure we never met face-to-face.

I had to admit, she did seem pretty content. But then again, it might have been an act. I knew she could sense my aura, and now that she knew who was watching her┘But why would she need to put on an act? It's not like I'm going to laugh at her or something. That's the only reason people act differently than they usually do, right?

She had a pretty straight forward routine. Wake up in the morning, fix herself some breakfast, and Shippou too, if he was there (seemed like the runt was only around every few days). Then she'd go and pray over two different unmarked graves, one of them probably Kaede's, the other, who knows.

Then, she would tend to her garden for a good few hours, and although her hands were callused and sun damaged already, her skin managed to stay relatively pale with the hat she wore. After that, it was tending to the elderly and the sick in the village, and then schooling all of the children in the late afternoon.

I did manage to notice that while she did seem content with her life, she wasn't exactly...happy. Just like Miroku said. The children amused her, the garden brought her a little pleasure, but not one thing that happened during my 'observance' really made her smile, really made her laugh out loud like she used to.

At the end of the day, she would sit in front of her hut and sew, sometimes talking to one of the villagers or staring off into the sunset. It was then that I think she...every once and a while I could swear that...bitch is glaring at me!

There was no denying it, she was looking at the exact tree I sat in and man if I wasn't determined, I would have run in the opposite direction so fast, Kouga would be left coughing up my dust. But this was the first time she acknowledged my aura since our 'meeting' at the Goshinboku, so I had to suck it up and confront her.

I leaped down from my perch, and walked as nonchalantly as I could to her. She kept her head stubbornly down when she realized that I was actually coming to talk. I wonder what was going through her head when she was glaring at me...

"Kagome." I stated as a greeting, completely unsure on how to go about this.

"I'm to be addressed as Miko, or Kagome-sama." She stated as if I were some rude stranger. I swallowed my spiteful words that were clamoring at my throat to shout back at her, to demand that she look at me like she used to. Instead, I clenched my fists and bit out my reply.

"M-miko-sama." I thought it would bother her, because that's exactly how everyone used to address Kikyou. But to my surprise, she looked at me patiently, even pityingly. If there's anything I hate more than people giving me shit about being a half demon, it's the people giving me pity! The words stampeded back up my throat and out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Funny how much you use to deny being like Kikyou, you're acting just like her!" I said nastily, and I saw her hands turn white at how hard she was clutching her needle. Hah, comparing her to Kikyou always got the biggest rise; she can't ignore or pity me when she wants to kill me.

She seemed to count to ten in her head, and released all of the tension she held in her body. She casually opened her mouth to reply.

"Funny how you're still sniffing around here like a stray when you're supposed to be honoring your lady by staying with her." She said back, cold as ice. It froze my insides, my tongue, and my heart. I was no better than a stray, now?

The bravado I had a moment ago was gone, replaced with guilt. And not the throbbing twinge of guilt I usually saw after visiting Kikyou. No, this was more like the gut wrenching, heart clenching, make-you-want-to-bury-yourself kind of guilt, the kind that no sane person can live with for long.

"Kagome, look┘I-I know this looks bad, but I-"

"Looks bad?" she asked in a dangerously quiet voice. I stopped in the middle of my explanation, looking at her with dread. I got the same kind of feeling as I did when Sango screamed at me.

"Do you want to know what looks bad, InuYasha? A pathetic girl lying in a hut, waiting for someone to return, crying her eyes out because she knows he never will. Do you know what else looks bad? The way everyone seemed to think she'd never get over, that she'd just...kill herself, or something." I gasped, and for the first time she looked me right in the eyes; I could see the truth. Had she really been dealing with all of THIS?

"I guess you know how that feels. Even Kaede made sure to never leave me alone!" she told me. To her credit, she wasn't crying, but that didn't stop me from wanting to shout at her to stop.

"Kagome, no one would ever want you to kill yourself!" I practically shouted.

"But they expected it! Why the hell am I even talking to you about it, anyway? It's not like you give a damn!" she shouted. I gasped again...I was kind of expecting that accusation, but...she's never sworn before.

"For the longest time I planned on it, you know." She had discarded the kimono in her lap. "Are you really that surprised? I've followed you to the ends of the earth, why not into the afterlife, too?" her voice cracked.

"But I'm not the same person I was back then. I'm not a fool in love anymore." She turned to me to see my reaction. In reality, I didn't really have one; I was too busy reeling from her words. But she took it the wrong way.

"God, little girls should never be allowed to actually live in fantasies. Once upon a time a girl fell in love with a hero, and they live happily ever after. Well GUESS WHAT?" she yelled at the ground, seemingly unable to look me in the eyes. "Reality check! The heroine is dead, and all that's left is some pathetic stand-in that deluded herself into thinking that everything would turn out all right! So what's left when the villain in gone and the hero joins the tragic woman in death? Nothing but a torn up piece of a thing that doesn't have the will to live, that's what!"

"No, Kagome! That's not how it is and you know it!" I tried to stop the tirade. My defensive instincts were kicking in; I had to stick up for myself.

"Bull shit! What did you honestly think would happen to me when you left, huh InuYasha? Did you think I'd just jumped down the well and forget all about this place? Forget you? Do you really not think of me at all when you make these decisions?" she turned to me.

"Of course not!" I bellowed, unable to stop myself now. ⌠How on earth was I supposed to focus on how you 'dealt' with it? In case you don't remember, I was a little preoccupied with your fatal injury that only happened because I couldn't take care of you! Not to mention I was a little distracted by the promise I made to the woman who came first! What the hell do you want from me, wench!?"

Her face froze in that horrible, angry grimace, and then loosened to a cool look. There was no hatred that I could see in her stare, so I went on.

"You fucking act like the world revolves around you, did you ever consider the fact that I never actually wanted to go to hell? That it was just my duty? That if I refused my honor would be gone? My honor is the only damn thing I have, what the hell would I do then, huh woman?"

I realized I was ranting at her, and I tried to soften my voice.

"I know it's not fair, I know! But I'm back now. I've been given another chance! Please, please don't take it for granted." I begged her. Kagome's eyes widened a fraction, and then she turned her head away from me, hiding her eyes with her hair.

At first I thought she was silently weeping, the way her shoulders shook. But then I saw that the corner of her mouth was turned up in a small, wicked smile. Her shoulders, her chest, and then her whole body was shaking in mirth.

After a moment of holding it in, a chuckle spilled from her mouth, which grew into a cruel laugh, which burst into the hysteric shrieking of a woman who just realized the hilarity in horror┘mine, apparently.

She no longer sounded like a girl, her humorous giggles a lift to the people around her┘no, Kagome was no longer a girl. She sounded almost like Kagura or Princess Abi when I faced them down, laughing at my arrogance and naivetИ-how dare I think I could possible take them.

"Y-you know," she started to say, panting from the force of her laughter. "You've got a lot of nerve, talking about taking things for granted, InuYasha."

My ears flattened into my hair, and I felt my heart sputter in my chest just before she looked at me, showing her true feelings for the first time.

"I will never be with you." She said evenly. She turned, and spoke over her shoulder. "Take that for granted, you bastard."

Bitter hatred.

(Author's Note)

The End!!!

Gah! don't hurt me!!!

Did I say three parts? I meant four.

Seriously, this stupid thing is kicking my butt, it just doesn't want to end!

I'm a little disappointed to say that I kind of hate this chapter, but there's really nothing more I can do for it.

The next one will be much better, although whether or not it'll wrap things up...I don't know...

Also, character talk. I know InuYasha should've been smart and kept his nose down the whole time instead of getting defensive, but since when is he really ever been tactful?

And for Kagome, I thought I should just mention that she is displaying what I call the Coutrney Love philosophy, in that although some people expect (and probably wouldn't blame) her to commit suicide and follow the man she loves, she rises above and proves her amazing strength (again) in living on for herself.

Well, let's just hope this doesn't demand to be made into a full blown story instead of just a continuing one-shot...damn plot bunnies...hate them sooo much.


End file.
